I find it very strange that I have more ‘free’ time but often feel busier than ever before. I have my projects like every one else. Some of the items are quickly crossed off the to do list, others ongoing and neglected. Kind of like this blog. Thing is, I just haven’t felt like I’m winning at dadding. Some days I wonder if I am even surviving at life.
Of course the areas we are most productive in life are the ones that seem so effortless. They are habitual. We get the job done without putting much thought into it. At least that is how most of my paying jobs felt. How about you? Are you on auto-pilot? It’s okay to be okay with being on auto-pilot. We can’t all be Marcus Aurelius.
Creating productive habits is something I have struggled with since I lost my job last year. I found self-employment and a work at home job, so I do get to spend more time with my family. I am rarely working on something so important that I cannot take a minute to give my daughter attention. I’m not making much money either and that’s a big trade off. What is my purpose as a father and husband besides providing for them financially?
I know this thinking is mostly the product of cultural expectations and clichés. I know I have a lot more to offer than sustenance and shelter. I know I carry my own delusions. I used to think being the stay at home dad would lead to the ideal life where I would blog about it and I would become an inspiration to millions of stay at home dads.
But the truth is I need to do this blog to remind myself of the father I want to be. The only difference between this and a private journal is that hopefully someone reading this will leave a comment that starts a conversation I never knew I needed. Or that someone else stumbles onto it and hears something they needed to hear. That’s what I really hope for.
Dad’s helping each other be better dad’s.