Anyone can have a dad bod. But it takes a real dad to tell a dad joke. Here are some of the best we’ve heard.
“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
The most ground breaking invention was the shovel!
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
When we would go on a road trip and a bug would hit our window my dad would say, “I bet he doesn’t have the guts to do that again!”
What kind of bear can you bite that can’t bite back?
A gummy bear!
German sausage jokes are just the wurst…
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
Dad, can you put on my shoes?
I’ll try, but I don’t think they’ll fit.
Dad, how often do ships sink?
I didn’t want to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
Why was there a tombstone at the end of the road?
Because it was a dead end street!
An old man was asked on his birthday what was the best thing about turning 103.
He replied, No peer pressure!
A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now
Grab your sneakers! I think the sink is running!
I was thinking about getting a coffin made of glass but I’m still undecided. Remains to be seen I guess!
Why did the dock worker get sent to prison?
He was convicted by a jury of his piers!
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus
A monk placed his order at the hot dog stand and said, “Make me one with everything.”
Why did the fish swim alone?
Because he dropped out of school.
Two fish were in a tank when one turned to the other and said, “how do you drive this thing?”
I broke my finger but on the other hand everything is okay.
My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels
A chicken once told me his favorite musician was Bach!
How do you say ‘Hello’ to a duck?
Why did change machine say when it had a nervous break down?
Change machines can’t talk and this joke makes no cents.
Can February March? No, but April May.
Why did the toddler use a crayon on the window?
Because he was trying to draw the curtains!
What kind of dog keeps time?
A watch dog!
I always bring an extra set of pants when I go golfing. Never know when I’ll get a hole in one!
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? Attire!
All these trees are making me a little uneasy. They seem kinda shady!
Dad! Did you see the kid napping on the news?
Nope. He must have woke up!
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
This birthday cake is really cold. It must be the icing!
I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.